Relationships and Mental Health

May is deemed Mental Health Awareness Month; with the current state of the world, it couldn’t have come at a better time. 

When we step back and think about our overall health, we shouldn’t just consider the state of our physical bodies anymore. Support for better mental health has grown rapidly over the past few years, and we’re beginning to realize just how big the role of our emotions and thoughts play in our daily lives. When it comes to relationships and mental health, there’s one topic that requires more attention: gaslighting. 

While the term is becoming more popular and widely used, it’s important to discuss what this really means, and how it can present itself in our relationships. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that makes us question our own abilities, reasoning, and sanity. If we experience this form of abuse, our mental health suffers greatly, and because it can be so subtle, it can be very hard to recognize.

Also referred to as “crazy making,” gaslighting occurs when a parent, partner, support worker, etc. says or does things that make a person question their own understanding of a situation. This could be something like, “you always overreact,” or “you’re not remembering that right, you can’t remember anything.” For people with disabilities, comments could include: 

“You wouldn’t understand, so I won’t even try to explain.”

“Stop being so sensitive, they’re not staring at you.”

“You’re lucky I’m here, you’d never be able to figure this out.”

“Are you sure you’re not faking it?”

Statements like this impact a person’s mental and emotional health, and if someone is made to believe that they cannot trust their own thoughts and feelings, it’s unlikely that they will share about the way they’re being treated. When relationships, of any kind, have some sort of power imbalance, it’s especially important to be sure that everyone’s thoughts and feelings are validated. There’s a big difference between explaining the reality of a situation to someone to be helpful, and deliberately undermining their right to experience an emotion based on their perception.