Setting Relationship Boundaries During a Pandemic
It’s safe to say that the current situation has everyone a bit on edge, and rightfully so. There’s a lot of stress, uncertainty, and confusion floating around. This makes it difficult to navigate our way in the world - not to mention trying to nurture our partners in the process.
Relationships require a lot of effort (despite the fairytales we’ve all heard). We have to pay attention to what we’re feeling and thinking, figure out a way to share those things with another person in a way that they will understand, while still making our point...it can feel overwhelming, especially when there are all kinds of outer stressors. A common theme for couples right now is, “how do I explain to my partner that I care about them, but don’t want to be around them?”
We all need some time to ourselves, and it’s important to understand how much time you need to recharge. For people with disabilities, this can create some confusion. “If I love my partner, why do I sometimes feel like I don’t want to be around them? If my partner wants space, isn’t that a bad thing? I told my partner I want them to leave me alone; why are they so upset?”
Learning how to navigate these situations can be tricky, but it’s not impossible. Here are a few techniques to use during tough conversations:
“I” Statements: “I feel ______, because ______.” This works well when you want to share how you’re feeling, in a non-accusatory way. Phrasing our statements like this takes the focus off of your partner, and puts it onto your own feelings. “I feel a little drained, because I haven’t gotten any alone time to reset.” This sounds a lot better than “I’m annoyed because you’re always around.”
Sandwich: Use this tool when you want to be sure your partner understands that your intention is positive. Share a positive thought, then your need, and close with more positivity. “I want to be sure I have the energy to be present when we’re together. I’d like a few hours to myself to be able to do that. I can’t wait to get together again this evening.” You’re showing that you want to be the best version of yourself, and to do that, you need some alone time.
The more you practice these tools, the easier it will be to use them in any tough situation. Practice with friends and family - or your partner! They will really appreciate you putting in time and effort to work on your communication skills.