What Domestic Violence Really Looks Like

You start a new television show or movie, and you see the warning regarding scenes portraying domestic violence. What do you picture? Maybe the male character drinks too much and throws something during an argument? Maybe he’s controlling and grabs his partner’s arm when she tries to leave, or shakes her by the shoulders when she just won’t listen to him?

These are the scenes we’ve all been conditioned to picture when we think about domestic violence. We jump right to the conclusion that it must be a male to female interaction, and that the man must be physically violent with the woman. There’s a part of me that understands where this stereotype comes from. Men are bigger than women, and typically can do more physical harm to someone else. Men are taught that physical violence can solve their problems, and women are taught to use their words. In the distant past, violence between a man and his wife was a common occurrence, and so I can understand why many people jump to this scenario when thinking about interpersonal violence, but...

It’s 2020. Time to move past the stereotype.

A woman looking through her partner’s phone without their permission is a form of domestic violence. A man standing in the doorway to his partner can’t get past him is domestic violence. A roommate using threats when they can’t pay rent is domestic violence. A parent putting their child down through their words or actions is domestic violence. 

Any violent situation in which two people are living under the same roof is domestic violence. This can include male to female, female to male, between two people of the same gender, or people who are gender non-conforming. Any situation between people in the same household that involves a person taking advantage of an imbalance of power is domestic violence. We need to understand all possible scenarios of DV in order to truly support survivors and eradicate this kind of behavior.

This means that people with disabilities, who may not be able to live on their own, can experience DV from parents, siblings, extended family, partners, roommates, people in the same apartment building, live-in caregivers, etc. We already know that people with disabilities experience DV at higher rates than neurotypical people, and if a person with disabilities believes that DV incidents only occur between romantic partners, or even married partners, they may not know what to call their experience. They may not know that they’re experiencing domestic violence.

-Jordann Mason, Community Outreach Director