Consent Culture

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Here are some resources we have created with tips on talking to kids about consent. Remember, they learn from your example. You can model consent by asking for hugs and kisses, and respecting your child's decision.

Remember that your child does not have to provide a reason for not wanting certain kinds of touch. When they share their feelings, you should respect them, instead of questioning them. Also, do not say that you feel sad if your child does not want a kiss or a hug. Instead, you can say, "that's okay, thanks for setting that boundary. How about a high five instead?".  It's important to also inform other family members, like grandparents, aunts, uncles, and siblings about modeling consent.

When caring for someone with physical needs, don't forget consent matters here, too! If someone needs personal cares, such as help dressing, bathing, or going to the bathroom, be mindful of how you approach these tasks. When we are trying to get someone ready for work or school, it's easy to forget about consent, and just rush through the tasks so we can get out the door. But any time you are touching a private area of another person, even if it is necessary to provide a personal care, ask first.  Explain why you need to touch them, what you will do, how long it will last, and ask if they are ready. Many people with personal care needs are at a higher risk of sexual assault, and if they come to expect that their caregivers will show them respect during these cares, they are more likely to recognize unsafe or exploitative behavior. This is worth starting a routine earlier, to allow for time to teach people with disabilities that their feelings matter.

Make sure you are also asking for consent when you touch your own partner. Siblings who may have significant others can help model consent, too.  When kids and teens see this consent culture around them, they learn that this is what is normal and healthy in all relationships. They will be more likely to both ask for consent, and expect to be asked by others before being touched.

Ellen Merker, LPC-IT, Executive Director

Jordann Mason, BS, Community Outreach Director